This holiday season, we're offering a buy-one-get-one-free deal on all coffins.- Lee Scott, CEO of Wal-Mart [Bentonville, AR]
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wal-Mart News
East West Feud
This is a shout out to Angela Merkel- mad respect to you. Germany is the one place that has had a more intense East-West feud than Hip-Hop. We got a place for you here at Death Row Records, whenever you finish up with your term as Chancellor of Germany.- Suge Knight, Record Executive [Los Angeles, CA]
Separate the weak from the obsolete, hard to creep them Warsaw streets...We need richer nations to bear a larger burden of the cost of carbon abatement.- Jacek Rostowski, Polish Finance Minister [Warsaw, Poland]
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Spicy Food News
Our research has shown that soy sauce will bring world peace, and end all wars.- Chinese Government spokesperson [Beijing, China]
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sibling Rivalry
I knew it was weird how she always wanted to have our family reunions at secret military facilities.- Raul Castro [Havana, Cuba]
Monday, October 26, 2009
Marital Bliss News
Nice. I really hit that nail on the head.- Michael Douglas, Actor [Los Angeles, CA]
Baby Education
Hey, you get what you pay for. I was a real dumbass as a baby.- Albert Einstein [Princeton, NJ]
Friday, October 23, 2009
Asian Human Rights
It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife...- Alanis Morissette [Los Angeles, CA]
Distracted Pilots
Hey, don't worry about it guys. I got in a heated debate with my first mate over which movie was better, 'Happy Gilmore' or 'Billy Madison'. We ended up on the wrong friggin continent and discovered the New World. EPIC WIN!- Christopher Columbus [Genoa, Italy]
'Happy Gilmore' is so much better. I wish you guys had figured that out before f***ing up our lives.- Atahualpa, Incan Emperor [Cuzco, Peru]
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Chinatown News
It makes me sick to my stomach that I can walk around New York, the cultural capital of our great nation, and not hear Cantonese on the streets.- Lee [Flushing, NY]
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Madonna Apartment Woes
Madonna’s one of those really annoying neighbours. You know, the ones who put their Christmas lights up in October, don’t trim their hedges, and dance around the neighborhood in tight leather pants.- Sanjay [London, UK]
I don’t know why all these people are complaining. Madonna has always been kind, welcoming, and considerate when it comes to her home.- Alex Rodriguez [New York, NY]
Monday, October 19, 2009
Athletic Prowess News
I don't like being preached to by crackpot anthropologists, while I'm reading the news, on my iPhone, in bed, resting my back from a 24-hour World of Warcraft session.- Rodney [Wichita, KS]
Look, I don't care if these "Neanderthals" are supposed to be dead. Find me one that's alive, and sign him to a 10-year deal. We can't let Adidas take this one!- Mark Parker, CEO of Nike [Portland, OR]
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Social Network Failure
I'm actually working on a sequel to 'The Fugitive', where Harrison Ford's character broadcasts his exact location live on Twitter to Tommy Lee Jones' iPhone.- David Twohy, Co-Writer of 'The Fugitive' film [Los Angeles, CA]
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Estrada Running Again
The last time I was President, 8 years ago, I was young and restless, a kid with a dream. I've matured a lot now, and at age 72 I'm ready to try again.- Joseph Estrada, Former Philippine President [Manila, The Philippines]
WWW Update
Tim Berners-Lee, you devil. I curse you and your forward slashes each and every day for complicating my web application code.- Sanjay Reddy, Software Programming Intern at Oracle [San Jose, CA]
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