This is much better than my first marriage. I got married at a Microsoft store, and afterwards my husband kept getting all these weird viruses.- Samantha [Phoenix, AZ]
Hey, you're all invited to my wedding. It'll be at the Burning Man Festival!- Richard, UNIX user [Waltham, MA]
And when the wind blows hard and the sky is black - Ducks fly together!- Gordon Bombay [Minneapolis, MN]
God, you're such a f---ing diva.- Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson, Coach of Team Iceland at the Junior Goodwill Games [Reykjavik, Iceland]
Damn, he looks pretty happy. I gotta get myself to Cleveland.- Billy Bob [Montgomery, Alabama]
Um, actually we don’t really hang out with Lex, so not sure why she’s writing our names on her desk saying we’re friends. Awkwaaaaard.- Abby and Faith, Alleged Friends of the Accused [Queens, NY]
This should be a boon for the chemical and bioengineering sectors of our economy. Very timely.- President Obama [Washington, D.C.]
Take it from me, having two gold medals in the family is definitely nice...especially when you're trying to pawn them off for meth.- Andre Agassi [Las Vegas, NV]
Note to self- make sure you're packin' heat when delivering to this fool.- Vladimir, Mailman [Primorye, Russia]
Bravo.- Charlton Heston [Hollywood, CA]
Hey, that's not even that bad. For my first wedding, I lifted the veil and found out she had an opinion. That was ridiculous.- Ibrahim [Jeddah, Saudi Arabia]
Damn, no wonder Valentine's Day flowers are so expensive.- All boyfriends ever [Anywhere]
Dear Lord, please forgive me for my sin of bringing this woman to the forefront of national politics.- John McCain [Washington, D.C.]
