Good luck, Jean! Together, we can prove that looking like a real douchebag doesn’t preclude someone from success.- Robert Pattinson, Star of the film Twilight [Los Angeles, CA]
Look, some people say my son is not qualified for this job. I can't comment on that, but I will say that he looks a lot like Brendan Fraser's character in 'Encino Man'.- Nicolas Sarkozy, President of France [Paris, France]
I can't wait to remix this.- DJ A.M. [New York, NY]
Two Thumbs Way Up!- Gene Siskel [Chicago, IL]
Okay, the required girl-guy ratios to get into good places is getting more ridiculous by the day. I know men aren't allowed onto this train, but what if I buy a bottle? No? I swear, I have three friends in there right now...yeah, they're waiting for me. Huh? No, I'm not on the party list.- Ramesh [New Delhi, India]
| Award | Honoree | Significant Achievement |
| Inducted into NBA Hall of Fame | Paul Harris, Rookie for the Utah Jazz | For "being alive." |
| Nobel Prize in Economics | Johnny Jenkins, Age 10 [Kenosha, Wisconsin] | For "his extraordinary work in using his allowance money to start a lemonade stand." |
| Lifetime Achievement Oscar | Abigail Breslin, Age 13 | For "showing the acting maturity of a 10 year old...as an 8 year old."; Nominated by Dakota Fanning |
| Nobel Prize in Medicine | Jennifer McGee [Stamford, CT] | For "kissing a boo-boo to make it all better"; Nominated by son Billy McGee |
Chris, I’ve been sitting by my phone waiting for it to ring. Why haven’t you called me?- Karl Rove [Washington, D.C.]
When we lived in the White House, we liked putting up art that our eldest son George made. You know, finger-paintings and macaroni mosaics and the like. It’s too bad he was over 40 at the time he made them.- Barbara Bush [Houston, TX]
Yevgeny, dude, trust me. Don’t even bother.- Jaffar Amin, son of Idi Amin [Kampala, Uganda]
I totally understand where the Pakistanis are coming from. Don't give me stipulations on where I can spend the money which you gifted me. Yes, I'm talking to you, Aunt Mildred, and your lame-ass Crabtree & Evelyn gift certificates.- Bobby [Greenwich, CT]
We were looking for a good challenge, so we searched around for a harmless cargo vessel to fight. Instead, we found the French Navy. Our entire crew was disappointed.- Yusuf, Somali Pirate [Mogadishu, Somalia]
This is a fantastic idea, I laud President Nasheed on his creativity. I am personally planning on traveling with my cabinet to each of the ten most beautiful beaches of the world this year, to highlight the detrimental effects of aircraft emissions on the environment.- Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, President of the Philippines [Manila, Philippines]
I really think I need to rewrite that song, with some more current examples of irony.- Alanis Morissette [Los Angeles, CA]
I'm not so excited about Blackstone buying these theme parks. I heard that Busch Gardens was gonna remove the animals from their enclosures, and replace them with first-year analysts.- Rodney [New York, NY]
Something that first makes me laugh, and then think? I would've given the award to someone working in human rights.- John Aschcroft
I am SO glad that the 'City of God' DVD was not available yesterday at the Copenhagen Blockbuster.- Carlos Arthur Nuzman, President of the Rio 2016 Bid Committee
I pledge to bring the 2020 Olympics to our beloved city of Manila. I have already sent a basket of truly Filipino cultural treasures to the members of the 2020 Selection Committee, including fresh mangos, traditional barong shirts, [fill in something else Filipino], and $20,000 in unmarked bills.- Gloria Arroyo, President of the Philippines
Just another shameless example of a British literary franchise trying to milk itself for all it's worth.- J.K. Rowling [Edinburgh, Scotland]
I have a little sleep research finding of my own: You'll be sleeping on the couch tonight.- Maria, Wife of the Study's Author [Amsterdam, Netherlands]
